I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
