I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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