Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
