you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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