Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
