i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
