I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
