i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
