Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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