mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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