Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
