I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
