she takes plan B like it's going out of style
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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