You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
