If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
