just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
