we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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