K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
