I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
