So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
