I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it because I queefed?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
