I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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