you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize