im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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