Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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