took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
