All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
