so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
