doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
