i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
