.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
