who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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