I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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