community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
