I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
