I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
