I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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