My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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