I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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