You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
