Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
