Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your cock deserves a montage
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
