If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
