My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
