yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
