a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
