hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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