Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
