Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
