What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
