Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
