kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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