Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
