This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
