this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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