you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
