Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
