alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
