So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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