There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
