I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think a kid would responsible me up
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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