This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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