Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
