Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
