Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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