haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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