I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
