I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
