I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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