the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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