well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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